woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My pussy is not your playground.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
3 2 1 whiskey
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
