Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
We smell like vodka and hangover
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
