i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
