I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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