i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
NoShamevember. You game?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
