I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
