My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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