i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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