"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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