hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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