Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
