i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
