I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
