Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
