My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
