That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
