but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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