that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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