I'm so fucking centered right now
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
