Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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