sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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