remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
