And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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