you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
