i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
