I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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