True but thats because hes a fetus.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
