you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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