halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
