Sponge bath it is.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
