my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
