Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
