Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
