I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
