So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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