Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
