when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
did you just send me my own nude
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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