I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
