you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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