Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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