Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
