I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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