I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you would pick up someone in the library
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
