he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
