i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's blow job season.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
