I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
