i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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