hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the condom got lost in my hair
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
