I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
