i permit you to call me
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
