i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
