Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I had to cum in my sink.
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