Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
