dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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