yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize