he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
