Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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