stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
