I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
