Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
