giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
