Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
