that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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