I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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