it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
