My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
