THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize