Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We need a shit load of segways right now
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
