M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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